I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I touched a dick in church today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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