his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
