If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize