Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
