Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
