Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
