I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
