Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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