You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize