he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
