Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
