I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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