The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
