She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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