Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
