i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize