we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
