Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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