I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
