Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
