Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
