I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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