I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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