Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
