I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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