just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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