so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
