my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
