Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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