i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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