Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I will be naked everywhere
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
