Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
