Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
