She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize