My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't make out with my wife yet
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
two words...techno handjob
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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