Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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