i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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