And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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