my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
