I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
