I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
