do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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