We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The uberlube is also flammable
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Randomize
