Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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