your parents love me but you hate me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
