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I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
