i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
