A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
