Ambien. No doubt about it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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