...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
