I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
