I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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