i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize