No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
