you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize