Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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