Whod you bang
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
