Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
