I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
