So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize