i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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