you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
