y did u give ur computer a hand job?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
