I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
