margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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