Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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