I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
