i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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