last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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