so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
