We named our party play list daddy issues
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
