i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
