we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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